Addicted To Me

Someone asked me, “Can something be addicted to someone? Isn’t it the other way round?”.. Well, many things have been happening in my life that cause me to feel this way..

It’s not simple math,..true we are the ones supposed to be addicted to something..but what if we don’t want it? What if we hate it? But it keeps on happening to you over and over again?.. Then you’d ask yourself, “Why me? Why do I have to deal with this thing?”

It starts with a thought…curiosity..a naive mind looking for something it reckons it needs..then a thought turns into something you can’t get your mind off..you know it’s wrong, something tells you it’s wrong.. but you can’t help it..the more you think about it, the better it sounds..that’s the birth of your death, the beginning of your end.

Thoughts turn into actions, and the actions feel so much better than the initial thoughts.. You love the feeling but you know it’s wrong. But oh well..you choose to live in the moment, but is it the right moment?

Consequences of your actions. You realise that the so-called “good feeling” is killing you softly, and you’re dying slowly..like why do we like to hurt so much?  So now you’re trying to fight it off, resistance is not working, as it has gotten the better of you. You tell yourself you won’t do it again, you’ll make a change, but wait…will you really? 

Maybe you will and maybe you won’t, you’d go back to thinking about it, craving for it. And the cycle continues…

I know, I know, it sounds like someone is addicted to something,..the typical addiction. May it be drugs, food, blah blah..but there’s a twist to my story, I didn’t want any of this to happen, I hated it..it was killing me inside. But I couldn’t help it, it kept on happening over and over again. I tell myself I’ll be strong and it won’t happen again. Then it hits me hard, real hard. 

But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, a silver lining on my dark gloomy clouds. But as I said, it’s a repetitive cycle, same process, same results..so what happened was unexpected. I realised that I was the one who starts the war in me and I had the power to kill the thing that was addicted to me. I took my power and used it. I still had a tad of fear but the risk was worth the while.. The cycle was about to begin again and I had to do something, and so I did, I played the game..this time, the right way. And the results were unbelievably believable…:) 

The letter

Dear God.

If I try to live my life Lord, without ever trusting you. It would be a waste of time and there’s nothing I would find. So I try to live my life Lord, everyday for you. Taking care that I don’t stumble, even when I know I’ll fall but your always by my side and soon I’m standing tall. Who would ever love me more Lord, much more than you do? Where’d I be without your love? Even when the rain is falling, your the sunshine of my life, I will always trust in you, in everything I do. Though I know I’ll break this promise, Lord you love me still. So here I am Lord, I’m giving it up to you. Here I am Lord, what more could I do? Lord I know that I’m not worth it, but that’s the way I am. So now Lord, lead me along the path, along the winding way. I trust you Lord to never leave the way, to keep me till the end. I wonder what’s around the corner Lord but I know that you’ll be there…

Love, your child

Dear child,

Everybody needs somebody who’d be there, someone to wipe your tears and make you smile. So if you need someone who will not judge you when you fall, no matter what you’ve done my love will answer when you call.

Times will make you smile or hurt you deep inside. I promise you I know the pain you feel. So if you let me love you I can take those scars away. I’ll be there when you call and all your scars I will erase.

So after your heart’s been torn in two and  you just don’t know what to do. After your rain has come and gone and the sun still won’t shine. After your friends have walked away, and you’ve run out of words to say. After you’ve tried everything else, try me ..

Love, God…

Beauty in the Beast

He walked on..tempted to look back but he didn’t. Probably he had been kicked out of his pride to start his own or maybe he was just lost and hungry..only he knew. Heels barely touching the warm earth, his majestic paws leave a trace of pug marks..
With ferocity and majesty, it sat literally like the “King of the jungle” they call him, with his forelegs crossed on top of each other and his eyes vigilant and on the search for any signs of prey.. then he saw it..what they’ve been talking about. The city’s skyline. The silhouette looked beautiful, something he’s never seen before. His eyes widened

He knew many had gone in that direction and had not come back. But that did not stop him. He walked on. Maybe because he was hungry, he’d rather die trying.. Or maybe he wanted to see what was on the other side of what once belonged to them, what used to be theirs…it was his right,..or was it?..

He sensed fear among them. He felt unwelcomed.. Its massive structure and muscular body gave it an intimidating look…then he heard shouts and screams..this was unusual, he had to keep his guard up as he was on his own, even if it meant that he had to attack them. 

Then he felt a paralysing pain..and another one. He turned his head and saw a familiar face, one he used to see ever since he was a cub, now holding a gun towards him..he shot him again, and again..until he couldn’t take it no more and his 13 year old weak body fell flat on the ground, barely moving, barely breathing..they say a cat has nine lives, and the nine bullets took his. 

One thing he wondered was, why? Why treat him as a beauty while he’s in the grasslands but as a beast when he’s out? Sure, he was born in the wild, and can be dangerous to us, but we fail to realise that there is beauty in the beast..let’s focus on the beauty as that’s what matters most.

RIP Mohawk the Lion..

Back to the start II


Have you ever felt a weird feeling as if someone has read your mind?..well recently my friend sort of did that..not the exact thing lol

He really wanted my “invisible key” pieces as he felt connected with them and that was puzzling to me..like how could he have a personal connection with something I did? I won’t tell you what he told me (as its personal, duh!) But I’ll tell you how I got his side of the story..he told me that he could give me two pieces in exchange of mine..now who would refuse that? 😀 and he sent me the pics for me to choose with short write ups for each.. I felt as if was in an art gallery..guys..his pieces are amAzinG!! 

The first one is titled “Weeding” and below the pic is his write up

“Weeding
A subsequent piece of a series, this is a cubistic piece of a personified flower pot uprooting a weed from its brain. The brain which acts as the soil for a planted seedling that is meant to grow in the flower pot. 
*****
With the piece of art, I express my need to root out obstacles and diversions that steer me away from my set goals. As a farmer weeds crops to eliminate competition for a good yeild, I steer clear off all forms of obstacles, as the pot pulls on the weed from its brain.

The process bears difficulties. This I show with some bleeding on one of the pot’s fingers which has been pricked by the weed. The brain acts as the soil since I see ones thoughts and ideologies of and in life as seeds. Seeds sown into the “soil” to germinate and grow to whatever one wishes they be but at the mercy of what one feeds one’s mind. 
Despite this perspective, questions still beg. Does one not gain any good from the obstacles, subdued or not? Is it in place for one to shun them as mere stumbling blocks when they bear great potential of being stepping stones?”

Sounds familiar, don’t you think? Like he felt what I was going through (regarding to “Back to the start”, my previous post) and there it was..the connection he had with my pieces, I totally understood it, cause I too had connected with his..

I liked his final statement/question, “…Is it in place for one to shun them as mere stumbling blocks when they bear great potential of being stepping stones?” I don’t think I took my “uninvited guests” as stepping stones, I took them as my weaknesses, something I’d like to be in the back of my mind if not completely erased from my memory..but I reckon that’s not the way to go. The scars reminds us that the past is real..but they also show that you fought and won..clearly, judging from this (getting this outstanding piece right after my blog post), it’s not over..the story is not over, I’m not saying I can go on weeding lol, lest my fingers bleed to paleness..:D all I’m saying is its not in vain..as they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and since I’m very much alive, I ought to thank God I came out stronger thanks to my ordeal…

 

Back to the start. 

Why hello there?! I know it’s been long since I posted something.. But I felt the urge to talk about something now that it’s a New Year.. 😊

Is it me,  or is it hard to start over, like you’re scared to make the same mistakes, or probably you don’t know where to start.. Well, every New Year is a new chance to start over, a clean slate, countless second chances..but what exactly is this new chance for?  What are you supposed to change?

In the beginning of last year, I had a rough idea of what I wanted..(right now, I’m positive of what I want) .. I began last year on a journey of self discovery..it started out pretty well, the first couple of months were good, not until an uninvited guest came along.. I found myself taking a detour which led me farther away from the path I was on.. At first I thought it was God’s doing, but I was wrong. Don’t get me wrong, the guy probably had good intentions, as it seemed right, like everything was ok, perfect actually.. Too good to be true.. I let my guard down, again..I knew what I was getting myself into, I knew the results of my adamant nature but it’s like I had a little hope, like maybe it would be different this time.. 
You see, my weakness is that I care too much, like a lot.. So I cared too much for this uninvited guest till I stopped caring about my journey and myself.. I got myself into my own trap. I had given my heart to someone who didn’t know that he was in possession of it and It killed me softly, slowly but surely..my feelings were the least of my concerns, the fact that I had fallen into the same old trap was disappointing and the fact that I had completely digressed from my journey.. getting back on track was going to be hard.. 

Don’t want to sound like a damsel in distress,😅 I’m ok guys!.. But the steps I took to get back on my feet were harder than what I was going through.. But it had to be done. Good thing is God was there to pick me up.. (such a gentleman!💕🙌) secrets were revealed and a shortlived friendship slowly faded.. I had to call everything quits for my own good.. 

So now it’s a New Year again. Another chance God has blessed me with.. I have to admit, it will be pretty hard.. I might meet up with another “uninvited guest”.. Demons from my past may come to haunt me and pull me away from what I’m focussing on.. But this time, I won’t care too much, heck, I’ll even tell him to his face.. “Bring it on,  I’m ready”😎

Potter’s Hands

My previous piece “Eleventh Hour” was an illustration of how we cannot control everything in our hands..it showed how the world is crumbling into pieces because we have not surrendered everything to God for Him to control.. For my new piece, “Potter’s Hands” is an illustration of how God remoulds us into what He wants us to be..from a broken world to something new

According to Jeremiah 18:1-6, God told Jeremiah to the potter’s house and he saw him working at the wheel, but the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands so the Potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best or him. 

According to Isaiah 64:8, and Isaiah 29:16 we are the clay and God is the potter and we cannot question or ask God what He does. When a Potter makes a pot, he makes it with a purpose, might be for carrying water or as a flower pot. Whatever the purpose is,  the Potter ensures it turns it well by moulding it patiently..likewise,  God has a purpose for everyone of us,  we have to cooperate with Him and let Him mould us into what He want us to be so as to fulfil His will.. Simple.. 😊  so it’s best to let God control the us,  even when we feel as if everything is under control,  even when we have found God’s will for our lives.. a pot cannot make itself. It will definitely crumble and fall into pieces.. 

ELEVENTH HOUR

When I think of the phrase “Eleventh Hour”, I think of time and how it moves so fast. I think of waiting to do something until it’s almost too late, at the last minute. My third piece is titled “Eleventh Hour”.. It illustrates how the world it crumbling in our hands, moral values, family values are being destroyed, and time is running out and it may be too late, unless we hand it over into God’s hands. ​


I based my drawing from the following scriptures, Matthew 17:17, Exodus 16:28 and Jeremiah 13:27.. from the above scriptures, we can see how God is wondering how long the Israelites would grumble against Him in the wilderness, they had forgotten that He was the one that had delivered them from the Egyptians (Exodus 16:28). From Matthew 17:17 Jesus was asking the people how long must He stay with them and put up with their unbelief.. Waiting sucks, right? because you feel like you are wasting so much time just chilling, (I hate queuing at the bank btw) And what is time? ‘the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the present and future regarded as a whole’..
A series of events that have been happening in my life have left me asking the same question God asked the Israelites, “How long..?” Well, I won’t go into detail and talk about those events but basically it’s about God’s will for my life. How long will I take to find, follow and fulfill it? I reckon I have found it and it calls for patuence to do the rest. As humans, living in this “YOLO” world, we know that time is precious and if you waste it, you can’t recover it, and the fact that we don’t know when we shall die, makes us even more cautious with how we use our time. Well, the YOLO policy may be applicable in a positive or negative way. You can either waste time doing things you want or use it doing God’s will. Very few do the latter. Finding God’s will calls for patience, as I said, and patience needs time, which we are running out of. As days go, the closer we get to dying. Not to sound creepy, but it’s a fact. But what if I tell you that God will sustain you so as to fulfill His will. Remeber Hosea 4:6, people perish due to kack of knowledge. Not knowing God’s will for you may cost you your life. Picture a pen. It is used for writing, that’s it’s purpose, right? But what if we used that pen to say, drill holes in a wall, will it have served its purpose, definitely not, and it wouldn’t last for its intended design life. 

So you may ask, ‘how do I know what God’s will is for my life?’ People think that their career or talent is God’s will for their lives..it may be so, but is that all? How do you use that job or talent to glorify God’s name? (I’m not saying we should all be preachers haha..don’t get me wrong) Mark 16:15-17 ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation…” that scripture along with others like Matthew 28:18-20 tell us what exactly God wants us to do..they tell us what God’s will for our lives is. 

How simple can it be? Unless we complicate things. If we focus too much on worldly pleasures, selfish desires, even our families and spouses, we will forget what God’s will for our lives is. One thing for sure, we don’t have much time. We should give our time to God or the devil will steal it from us, cause we clearly don’t know how to handle it on our own. Remember, God will help you use it, the devil will make you destroy it.. It’s up to you..